I was walking along the perimeter of my summer school classroom the other morning, praying over these next 18 days, feeling ambivalent about having to work, not wanting to even BE there this morning, feeling like “shrug of shoulders” what can even be accomplished in such little time….I was 3/4ths of the way around the room when I very clearly felt God’s presence with me. Out of nowhere the thoughts formed in my head, “You have no idea what I can do through you in this room. You are standing on holy ground. You are creating sacred space. Kid no one, I am moving in this place. I am using you to bring the little children to me. Don’t underestimate your role of me moving through you. Enough. Quit whining.” … it stopped me in my tracks. I looked around and tried to catch my breath…..And the rest of the chaotic day the track kept repeating in my head: holy ground. sacred space. love in action. justice served. ….. I don’t know how God is going to move, or what He’s going to accomplish, but I’ve been put on notice: show up, be present, and He will do the rest. Amen.
……after my experience that day in my classroom, I was further reflecting on how God chose to make clear to me that when I allow what I do to be about Him, not me, my presence becomes this liminal place between the literal and the supernatural, the act of holy ground/sacred space transforming the actual earth dirt my feet are standing on, to a moment that unites what is currently our fractured and discordant reality.
As I contemplated those thoughts the next day, another thought formed in my head. Very clearly, God said to me, “Both the beauty and burden of being present in these moments is that they are the most powerful when earthly circumstances are such that, left to just a human understanding, would seem impossible, absurd, chaotic, and counterintuitive. So be prepared to stand in places of sheer chaos and insanity, because it is there that you become my eye of the storm in flesh and blood.”
After I got over that second thought process, my response was, “well, I’ve been in enough of those situations to take the place of MANY Jesus followers. I’m good to go. I should now be able to REST in my (smug) pride of already having let God use use me. Ya me.”
He then chuckled ( I imagine Him throwing His head back in warm, kind laughter, like we do with a young child whose antics delight us), and then turned serious, looking me lovingly, but directly in my souls’ eye…and said. “No child, your next assignment is just beginning. You were created for this. Everything that’s come before is preparing you for what’s next. You will be asked the previously unthinkable. But I work best when it seems otherwise incomprehensible. I go before you. I stand behind you. Today is the only day that you need to be mindful of. I hold the future, and it’s uncertain to you, but I am preparing you today for a tomorrow that holds treasures that one can understand only through My eyes. I love you.”
And then I was shown a foretelling of this next journey yesterday. Please pray for me as I am humbled to be used in this time and place, to show Jesus in human form, in all my broken humanity, and that I would clearly point to Him as my rock and stay, even as I struggle in my “Carrie-ness” with what I see now that He is calling me to do and be.” Amen